This is one of those primary yet tough life principles for me. I have learned that I need others in my life to hold me accountable to this principle. Accountable to my dreams, goals, and aspirations as a businessman, father, and husband. What is this primary life principle? It is balance.
I can still hear Mr. Miyagi yelling at Daniel LaRusso in the movie, The Karate Kid, “Balance Daniel-san, balance!” There is some truth to this in the concept of “life-balance”. We’re all torn in two directions, as illustrated below:
Leisure
Meditation
Following
Listening
Recreation
Waiting
Receiving
Learning
Humility
Solitude
Freedom
Sorrow
Internal Life
So, how do you find balance? Is it appropriate or even possible in this day and age to find balance in life? With all the competing areas above, most people settle for focusing on one area alone.
Sacrifice For The Sake of Excellence
Excelling in one area is good, right? Where would Michael Jordan be, or Donald Trump be unless they excelled in one focused area? By no means am I suggesting we stoop to the level of mediocrity. Yet, while unbridled attention in one area may bring success, it almost always brings failures in many other areas. For example, “it is not uncommon to discover a physician who fails as a parent, an entertainer who fails as a spouse, a pastor who neglects personal health, or an executive who fails at all the other areas,” says author and educator, Dr. Richard Swenson. Stanford Physicist, Dr. Richard Bube, recommends a more balanced approach so that we do not fall into, what he calls, “negative excellence.” A person who chooses to strive for high degrees of excellence in one or two areas often fails in others. While, the person who choses to live balanced has no outstanding levels of excellence but, they do not have any areas of failure either.
There Is An Answer
You’ll be glad to know that life balance is attainable. It starts with time. You thought I was going to say priorities. Business people practice prioritizing a lot. The mistake is, prioritizing dictates that one area is more important than another. What I am saying is that all these areas are important and that to attain balance we need to start with the time we give to each.
Learn to say “no.” In today’s Western society it is easy to overload and overbook ourselves. Saying “no” puts you in control of your time demands. This leads to the next item: Get better control of your life.
Getting control means overthrowing the tyrannical rule of the urgent. Reorient your life around the important, not the urgent things of life.
Next, watch out for the circular trappings of trying to find the imbalance in your life. In doing so you run the risk of becoming even more unbalanced. George Rust warns, “We respond to our sense of imbalance by committing more time and energy to an area in which we feel deficient.” The last thing you need is to commit more time than you have.
Finally, be considerate of others trying to live a balanced life. If someone tells you “no”, learn to accept it. Just because we choose to overburden ourselves doesn’t mean we have to do the same to others.
Balance is attainable. It takes work but it can be done. You might consider sharing your desire to live a balanced-life with a close friend and then ask them to hold you accountable. Give them permission to ask you how you’re doing on a regular basis — and, be honest in your reply.
How many of you have kids in school? How many of you have kids carrying HUGE backpacks to school? How many of you are paying doctor bills for your child’s back problems because of lugging around heavy books? Even the packs with wheels are a pain – literally. Ever seen a child try to roll one over a curb on his way to school? Not a pretty sight.
I’ll bet, once parents see the Kindle up close and in action, they will want to buy one for themselves. Talk about market share and saturation. I hear the distant sounds of Ka-ching!
Let me see, off the top of my head here are some ways this could be of benefit:
Less paper consumed
Less trees cut
Easier to update published content
Less trash from out-dated school books
Lighter pack backs
Less stress on children’s backs and bodies
Lower family medical bills
RSS feeds to teacher assignments
Bookmarks to teacher blogs
Exposure to Kindle eReaders
Create raving fans
I am sure the list could go on. Also, if you’re an Amazon employee, this is another opportunity for you to help out your local community. School administrators will thank you and parents will love you.
If you think this is a worthwhile idea, let Jeff Bezos know. Send him a quick email and let’s see what happens.
Feel free to comment here as well and let me know your thoughts or if there is anything missing on the list of benefits. If you do not see an upside to this idea, let me know that too.
Have you noticed how common IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and IBD (Inflammatory Bowel Disease) is nowadays? There are commercials on television because it seems to have become so prevalent. Even studies show that youth are plagued by this more and more.
Why is this? Could it be stress?
I believe stress has a lot to do with it. In today’s fast-paced world the bar is set higher and there are many more expectations and outside influences placed upon us than in years past. Some people have learned to cope with stress while many have not. Many internalize anxiety and the result is IBS or worse.
If you’ve researched IBS and IBD you will see that diet, exercise, and rest can play into the illness as well. But, as I have found in my life, stress is the main instigator.
Current Conditions
So, this brings me to current conditions. This last month has seen few posts by me due to what I have called a “perfect storm” of illness. I had one thing after another that hit me and sent my body spiraling down.
It first started with stress-filled news regarding work. Not three weeks later I had a colonoscopy scheduled. If you have ever prepared for this procedure it will mess with your digestive system. A week after the colonoscopy I got a sinus infection. I figured I’d weather the infection and let it runs it’s course. Christmas week came and went with all the holiday busyness. The weekend before New Years I got some bug that ran through me over a 24-hour period. Whew, I was feeling rough. My body was talking to me and it was starting to feel worn.
As a result of my colonoscopy, my doctor prescribed a medicine I had never taken before. I took the medicine for a week and my world was turned upside-down. I felt achy all over and had a total loss of energy. I even had trouble concentrating.
I immediately stopped taking the medication.
It took about another week before it worked it was out of my system, but it seems the damage was done. My energy was still low and I had little to no appetite. I lost about 20 pounds.
After talking with the doctor I was prescribed a medication that I had taken in the past. That began the slow rebuild of my digestive system.
It is truly amazing how the human body is constructed and how much of an incredible system it is. You are never more aware of this than when one part is not working well and you see how it affects the whole. In my case I have been struck with colitis. I have an inflamed colon and it is slow going introducing foods back into my diet.
It has taken me two weeks to get to the point where I have felt good enough to get out of the house a couple times. I certainly have not come back as quickly as I hoped, but every day is better than the last. With this said, I should be getting back to blogging on a more regular basis.
I hope this has been helpful and informative for some of you. It has definitely been a learning process for me — one I hope I do not have to go through again any time soon.
Last year WeirdGuy blog participated in Blog Action Day. This year, we will again and share from a weird perspective on the issue of poverty. I encourage you to get involved. Find out more details at Blog Action Day.
Are the days of Da Vinci dead? Is it possible to, at once, be a world-class painter, engineer, scientist, and more?
“No way. Those times are long gone. Nothing was discovered then. Now the best you can do is pick your field and master it.”
The devout specialist is fond of labeling the impetuous learner–Da Vinci and Ben Franklin being just two forgotten examples–”jack of all trades, master of none.” The chorus unites: In the modern world, it is he who specializes who survives and thrives. There is no place for Renaissance men or women. Starry-eyed amateurs.
Is it true? I don’t think so. Here are the top five reasons why being a “jack of all trades,” what I prefer to call a “generalist,” is making a comeback:
5) “Jack of all trades, master of none” is an artificial pairing.
It is entirely possible to be a jack of all trades, master of many. How? Specialists overestimate the time needed to “master” a skill and confuse “master” with “perfect”…
Generalists recognize that the 80/20 principle applies to skills: 20% of a language’s vocabulary will enable you to communicate and understand at least 80%, 20% of a dance like tango (lead and footwork) separates the novice from the pro, 20% of the moves in a sport account for 80% of the scoring, etc. Is this settling for mediocre?
Not at all. Generalists take the condensed study up to, but not beyond, the point of rapidly diminishing returns. There is perhaps a 5% comprehension difference between the focused generalist who studies Japanese systematically for 2 years vs. the specialist who studies Japanese for 10 with the lack of urgency typical of those who claim that something “takes a lifetime to learn.” Hogwash. Based on my experience and research, it is possible to become world-class in almost any skill within one year.
4) In a world of dogmatic specialists, it’s the generalist who ends up running the show.
Is the CEO a better accountant than the CPA? Is Steve Jobs a better programmer than the iTunes VP of Engineering? No, but he has a broad range of skills and sees the unseen interconnectedness. As technology becomes a commodity with the democratization of information, it’s the big-picture generalists who will predict, innovate, and rise to power fastest. There is a reason military “generals” are called such.
3) Boredom is failure.
In a first-world economy where we have the physical necessities covered with even low-class income, Mazlow’s hierarchy of needs drives us to need more for any measure of comparative “success.” Lack of intellectual stimulation, not superlative material wealth, is what drives us to depression and emotional bankruptcy. Generalizing and experimenting prevents this, while over-specialization guarantees it.
Every good leader I know, at least the ones worth following, take regular intervals of time for personal introspection. “Well, of course, that’s a good business practice,” you might say. Yet, rarely do people in leadership positions look at their moral compass. That thing inside them that guides their thoughts and consequently their actions throughout the years. Common sense tells us this would be a good exercise, but it sure is hard to put into practice, right?
Why is it hard? That is for you to figure out.
Below I have listed several areas for inspection to encourage you along the way. Set some time aside and reflect on these. It may be hard, because you will not like what you see. That could imply a need for change and change does not come easily, but it can have great rewards.
Self Examination Areas
Personal Life
- What consumes my thought life?
- Do I lie?
- What are the health of my relationships?
- Do I respect the opposite sex?
- Do I want what is not mine?
Public Life
- How do I treat employees?
- How do I treat my peers?
- Do I care about those less fortunate?
- What do I think about the needy?
- Am I genuinely interested in community causes?
Spiritual Life
- How do I use my money?
- What is my attitude toward revenge?
- Am I a hospitable person?
- In all things, what’s my motivation?
As a reader of WeirdGuy blog I’d like to humbly ask you to help me. I have a short 10 question survey running from August 28 – September 7, 2008 on Zoomerang. The survey should take 2-3 minutes to run through. Your thoughtful responses will aid me in future developments for this blog.
I realize I am asking you to volunteer your time, but I value your opinion. Please follow the link provided today — the survey is only available for 10 days.
And, if the survey takes longer than 2-3 minutes then you can feel free to spam me with your hate mail.
Thank you for your patronage…can I say “patronage”?…whatever, you know what I mean.
By the way, I’ll reveal the findings here on WeirdGuy when the survey is up, so if you want your response to count, now is the time to act…now! If you do not care, then what are you doing here at WeirdGuy blog to begin with?
NOTE- Whenever I eat at an establishment I look at the following factors: quality of service, quality of food, price of meal, portion sizes, and the restaurant ambiance.
I just got back this evening from a networking event at Eclipse di Luna, the Tapas Bar in the Dunwoody area of Atlanta. I must say I am definitely a fan of the food.
Tapas are snacks, canapés or finger foods. Tapas can be anything from a chunk of tuna, cocktail onion, and an olive skewered on a long toothpick to meat with sauce served piping hot. They are served day in and day out in every bar and café in Spain. So much a part of the culture and social scene that the Spanish people invented the verb “tapear” which means, “to go and eat tapas!” (From spanishfood.about.com)
The service at Eclipse was good for the type of event I attended. The wait staff was accommodating and quick to assist with any needs. The side room we gathered in was spacious and would suit any large group or event of 20-30 people.
But is it the variety of foods that was most enjoyable. I personally like having numerous items to choose from and then having the ability to come back for the dishes I like or have not tried. The portions are a little larger than bite-size so you will not fill up quickly.
Most everything on the menu is in the $3-5 price range. The prices are low enough to allow you and a friend or spouse to buy three or four items. I recommend: Pan Catalan
Toasted Ciabatta Bread Toppedwith Tomato, Garlic, & Thyme Purée Costillas Espanolas
Spanish-style Ribs in Aged Balsamic Vinegar Pollo con
Spicy Pressed Chicken Thighs with Almond Gazpacho Queso Frito con Miel
Fried Goat Cheese with Caramelized Onions & Honey Menestra
Mixed Roasted Vegtables with Olives & Spinach
As for the wine list – you will not be disappointed. Eclipse di Luna has a decent offering of wines that go well with the variety of tapas.
My only disappointment was the design of the restaurant. The high ceiling and tile floor make Eclipse di Luna extremely noisy. It was very hard to have a conversation without screaming. Also, the fact that music was blaring only hindered any decent attempts at meaningful communication. There was a patio outside that buffered the noisy inside, but most people retreated out there to smoke.
Overall, if you’re interested in relaxing to music and having a variety of foods to nibble on, Eclipse di Luna Tapas Bar in Dunwoody is for you.
I’ve been writing a lot of reviews over on Yelp.com about the restaurants I have visited. One of my favorite foods is sushi. When I think of sushi, I think of all the friends I have exposed to this Japanese tradition. Some love it while some hate it. Regardless, you can’t help but think, “How would the Japanese describe this to westerners?” Enter YouTube! A friend from Japan first told me about this hilarious movie, made by Nihon-jin (japanese people) for all of us Gaijin (foreigners). Enjoy!
This explains why I like to sleep so much! Fascinating and fun information, books, DVD’s, online movies and more at Brain Rules.
Oh, and ever wonder why stress is literally killing people? No, I am not talking about “going postal,” although this gives some credence as to why some people fall of the sanity wagon. Find out why prolonged stress is harmful to you and those around you. This could save your life. Check it out today!
I’ll be taking a week off to focus on closing out a project (July 28-August 1). More to come from the lessons learned during this engagement. It’s a really cool online course with custom hooks into a client app. The back-end was designed as “plug and play” so content can quickly and easily be swapped out while still being applicable to the course testing and grading scenarios.
The Charter House restaurant in Bellevue, Kentucky has a spectacular over-the-river view of the Cincinnati skyline. Known for friendly service, the layout of the establishment is spacious open seating. With carpeted floors, the acoustics are not too noisy. Warm colors, ambient and pinpoint lighting, and colorful fish paintings adorning the walls make The Charter House feel comfortable and a place to bring friends or work associates.
For starters, I ordered the Lobster Bisque. The presentation was nice – the bisque came in a little kettle shaped bowl complete with handle and lid. The soup was ladled over a small mound of lobster meat at the bottom of the bowl. The flavor and serving portion was just right.
For the main course, I had the seared scallops with bok-choy and coconut rice. The light soy and sesame dressing added the right amount of flavor for the scallops. It was overpowering for the rice though, not allowing the coconut flavor to come through. Toward the end of the dish, much of the rice was left swimming in the soy broth. After finishing the meal, instead of tasting the full ensemble of flavors, I was left tasting lots of salty soy, garlic, and sesame.
I would recommend the chef ease up on the sauces. This seems to be an ongoing issue for many restaurants I visit – dishes swimming in sauces. Perhaps a better approach for this entrée would be to offer the soy mixture on the side for dipping the scallops into.
All in all, I would say The Charter House is a nice place to dine. However, the lingering soy taste prevents me from highly recommending this restaurant.
*For more on restaurants, food, and recipes, visit the Grub category of WeirdGuy Blog.
In the past 14 months I’ve given 70 presentations including keynotes, luncheon speeches, after-dinner speeches and seminars in virtually every market in the U.S. and mainly for corporate groups of CEOs, key executives, and entrepreneurs. But the most memorable group I spoke to was the May 2008 graduating class of J.E.T. (Jobs and Employment Training) at St. Patrick’s Center on May 30th in my hometown of St. Louis
St. Patrick’s Center does noble work in helping homeless people find hope and generate permanent, positive changes in their lives. However, the thing I like the best about St. Patrick’s Center is they are very practical. They don’t just talk about helping people create permanent, positive changes in their lives; they dive in and get things done. They help people find a place to stay and they provide them with training on interviewing and job skills necessary to re-enter the workforce. One of their programs is called J.E.T., which is a twelve-week program on a variety of computer skills that will help the graduate increase their chances of gaining meaningful work.
Overcoming Life’s Greatest Obstacles
There were nine people in the graduating class at J.E.T. ranging in age from approximately 25 to 45. I met each of them briefly before my speech and got to know their names. I won’t list them here, but I’ll also never forget them. I could see the excitement over their accomplishments in their eyes. I felt the passion in their dreams. I had to do everything I could to keep myself from crying in front of the audience, which included their family members and friends. It could have been the graduation ceremonies at Harvard because that’s how excited each of these individuals was that day.
To me, these nine individuals represent everything that I’ve written about and spoken about over the past 11 years. They had just completed a 12-week course to increase their capacity to gain meaningful work, and they were incredibly proud of what they had learned and accomplished. They were enthusiastic about the future. They were ready to get on with it.
Isn’t that what life is about? Going after dreams and trying to better ourselves so we can make a greater contribution to other people. Jackie Robinson, the baseball player, said something to the effect that the whole purpose of life is to make a difference in the lives of other people. Well, if that’s true and I think it is, then bettering our selves in order to add value to other people is an important part of the process, and that part should be celebrated.
These nine individuals were moving from a life of homelessness and despair to a life of hope and contribution and carving out the careers they wanted for themselves. One lady stopped me after the ceremonies and said, “St. Patrick’s Center gave me my self-esteem back and now I’m excited about the future.” I almost said to her that no one can instill self-esteem into another person. Self-esteem means the value a person sees in himself or herself. Only the individual can strengthen his or her own self-esteem. As Abraham Maslow said many years ago, “True self-esteem rests on a feeling of personal dignity, the feeling that you are in control of your own decisions and your own destiny.” No one can give you a feeling of being in control of your own decisions. Only you can develop the feeling that you are in control of your own decisions.
But I understood what the woman meant. She meant that St. Patrick’s Center provided an environment of encouragement where she could focus on her strengths and the value she can bring to other people. In doing so, this woman took the time to realize everything she had to offer to the world. That is how self-esteem is built.
I met a teacher named John that day who told me about a life course offered at St. Patrick’s Center on realizing that every super successful leader overcame odds to make a difference in the lives of other people. I totally agree. Walt Disney and Mother Theresa and Martin Luther King, Jr. and Oprah Winfrey and Mohandas Gandhi didn’t just wake up one day ready to contribute. They honed their ability to add value until one day they were so good that other people opened their eyes to all the value they had to offer. Martin Luther King, Jr. worked at writing essays and giving sermons long before he started changing the world for the better in 1955.
Graduation Day taught me or re-taught me so many lessons:
o In giving we receive. I was more touched by those 45 minutes with those nine graduates who had transformed despair into direction, homelessness into hopefulness, and frustration into focus than any work project I’ve done in the past ten years.
o We all need to take the time to recall the value we have to offer to other people. It’s wonderful to help other people see their value, but it’s just as important that we take the time to see the value we have to offer to other people. Recall your past success stories where you made a difference in the lives of other people and the strengths and passions you have to offer to other people.
o Lift your head to see the difference you’re making in the world. You can get so busy giving love to other people that you may not see the impact that your love is making in the world.
o Celebrate life’s most important transitions. That ceremony was a moment to savor like a fine meal. Climbing a mountain means resting at the plateaus. Rest, re-energize, let the success soak in, and then plot your next move up Mt. Contribution, the real-life mountain of trying to make a difference in the lives of other people that we are all trying to climb.
o Pause occasionally from helping your work team move forward and trying to move your career forward and look around you for opportunities to give to others who will never be able to repay you, at least not financially. There are so many magnificent organizations within 30 minutes of your home. What non-financial contribution can you make for them? How can you use your strengths and passions to deliver real value to people who simply can’t afford to pay you?
o Achieving a specific, measurable objective at work is important. Achievements are the basis of promotions, raises, and career growth. Hitting a number is about a goal. Living with purpose is about the soul. Ask yourself, “What is my purpose?” Write down your purpose. Then pour your efforts into both your work and your community events to fulfill your purpose.
In watching the tributes to Tim Russert, I was reminded that great business managers still take the time to give back their strengths and their passions to their communities. As many people thanked him for what he did outside of NBC as he did inside Meet the Press.
Dan Coughlin is a business keynote speaker, management consultant, and author of Accelerate: 20 Practical Lessons to Boost Business Momentum.
On Madams tombstone (of Whelan’s and Madam) she said she wanted this epitaph: Tried everything twice…loved it both times!
2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down. (keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches)
3. Keep learning!
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s!
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long, and loud.
Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.
6. The tears happen.
Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love.
Whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health.
If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don’t take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity!
11. Forgive now those who made you cry…you might not get a second time.
I just saw this article at The Chief Happiness Officer. After having recently talked with friends that are in bad work environments, I thought this would be appropriate to post. Enjoy!
If you’re unhappy at work, I’m sure that the thought “Man, I really should quit!” crosses your mind occasionally.
So why don’t you?
Even if you long desperately to quit, to get away from your horrible workplace, annoying co-workers or abusive managers, you may hesitate to actually do anything about it, because right on the heels of that impulse come a lot of other thoughts that hold you back from quitting.
Each of these excuses may sound to you like the voice of sanity, offering perfectly good reasons why it is in fact better to stay and endure that bad job just a little longer, but look a little closer, and they don’t really hold up. What they do instead is keep you trapped in a job that is slowly but surely wearing you down.
Here are 10 of the most common bad excuses for staying in a bad job.
#1 “Things might get better”
That jerk manager might be promoted out of there. That annoying co-worker could quit.That mound of overwork could suddenly disappear.
On the other hand, things might also get worse. Or they might not change at all. If you’ve already done your best to improve your job situations and nothing’s happened, just waiting around for things to improve by themselves make little sense.
#2 “My boss is such a jerk but if I quit now, he wins.”
Who cares. This is not about winning or losing, this is your life. Move on, already.
#3 “I’m not a quitter.”
Well guess what these somewhat successful people have in common: Larry Page, Sergey Brin, Tiger Woords, Reese Witherspoon, John McEnroe and John Steinbeck?
In the last article I asked, “what is Twitter really for?” Now I am wondering who is it really for?
Is it really for the average person on planet Earth? Is my life really that interesting that I feel compelled to notify others (or an online service) of everyday changes:
“I got out of bed at 6:00am .”
“I showered using a new shampoo.”
“I am meeting (insert name) at Starbucks for coffee at 8:00am.”
Okay, okay, I know that is a bit condescending. Yet, if I have to tell someone something immediately — like I just got out of an opening night Broadway play and YOU have to see it — I’ll call or text them on my mobile.
Celebrities
If I were a celebrity, I might see the value in Twitter. I know people are going to be interested in me and besides, it’s a form of marketing and PR.
Let’s face it, the average person is more apt to be interested in a celebrity figure than Joe-Schmoe down the street cutting his grass at 2:00pm.
Voyeurism
This brings up the topic of reality TV and the voyeuristic society we are becoming. We would rather watch or hear about peoples lives than help or interact with them. There is a cool detachment that can be unhealthy and disturbing at times. Does Twitter advance this trend
Use Twitter?
I am still not convinced. There are others forms of communication that are more intentional. Yet, in this seeming ADD Generation intentionality gives way to spontaneity.
I’d venture to say that 2/3 of the people reading this are familiar with the Web 2.0 technology, but for you other 1/3 out there visit CommonCraft for an idealistic explanation of Twitter. Then come back and finish this article.
Okay now, why do you use Twitter?
I was out having dinner with some friends and the subject came up. The question was asked, “Who has time for Twitter and why in the heck would you do it to begin with?”
Being a technologist, my first reaction was to stand up for the online application. Isn’t it obvious? Look how popular it is. But I paused for a moment and thought.
Why do people use Twitter?
Do I really need to know what my friends and family are doing every hour? Do I really care? I mean, some of it is pretty mundane stuff. Am I wasting my time (life) watching other’s lives go by? Hmm…
I started to think of the generational differences and the monotonous chime I here from college age friends and younger — “I’m bored.” This being said as they Twitter from their cell phones, text message friends while watching movies (in the theater!), playing videos games on their laptops while IM’ing an acquaintance in Europe.
Is Twitter just another thing to keep the minds of the ADD generation busy? Is there real social value? Tell me what you think.
A little humor to help you through your week. Enjoy!
I found a new doctor, and asked him the following questions during my last visit — here was his answers:
Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it . . . Don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you? A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! . . . . Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets.
And Remember:
“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO, What a Ride!”
AND . . . .
For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Posted by ebrown 
By E. Brown
By E. Brown
If you’re unhappy at work, I’m sure that the thought “Man, I really should quit!” crosses your mind occasionally.
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