Humorous Word-Play To Start Your Day

Got this from my friend Chris, this morning. Enjoy the play on words.

  1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference .  He acquired his size from too much pi.
  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian
  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
  5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
  6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
  7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
  8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
  9. Two silk worms had a race.  They ended up in a tie.
  10. Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.
  11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.  The police are looking into it.
  12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.  One hat said to the other, “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”
  14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.  Then it hit me.
  15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass.”
  16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.  When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, “No change yet.”
  17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
  18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
  19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
  20. A backward poet writes inverse.
  21. In democracy it’s your vote that counts.  In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
  22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
  23. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

3 thoughts on “Humorous Word-Play To Start Your Day

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